|
| Disregard my last post. I don't really feel like talking about it, so if you wanna know about it just let me know. All i can say is that i feel a lot better now. Well earlier today i went bowling with my whole $25. Today was a singles shootout, i wasn't gonna enter cuz first off i'd get crushed, and second i didn't have enough money since it was $30 to enter. After i got done open bowling i only had $21 left, but fluff and buddy convinced me to enter, fluff would lend me the ten dollars i needed. I had max handicap, 25 pins per game. I shot an 871 with handicap for the 4 game qualifier. I sat there through the second shift watching the other bowlers trying to qualify, me thinking i didn't have a chance of qualifying. Finally, the second shift gets done. They announce that the cut is 871. I was the 15th and last qualifier yaya. First round i bowled brian smith, he opened the first three frames so i had the lead and kept it. In the second round i had to bowl buddy, first 6 frames i had strikes, then 2 spares, and in the 9th i threw a 4,6,7,10 split but it didnt matter at that point. I shot a 231 that game and beat him. Semi-finals i had to bowl john coryer, who destroyed me by like 61 pins but it didn't matter to me cuz i was proud that i got as far as i had with such competition. Plus for 3rd and 4th you get $80, so in the long run i won $50 woot. I wanted to bowl fluff in the finals but ah well. He shot a 268 against his bowler and won. Damn fluff won $250, i wish i had that lol. But all in all it made for a good day. | | |
| I wish i had saved what was said, but i didn't. Today, at work, i had a bad feeling. A very bad feeling. I knew exactly what was going to happen today, and i honestly don't know how. No more curiousity, i now know the truth. I IM ash earlier, see what she was up to, see how her night with kelly was. She said good and i was like thats cool, and i said it sucks that i might not get to see her. Kelly is up cuz her friends are back from college and wanted to see them. Of course thats understandable and i'm glad she gets to see them, but does that mean i'm not allowed to feel a little bad cuz i want to see her? In my mind, i felt like me and kelly were together. Come to find out that was a one side thought. As most of you know, i went and visited her 2 weeks ago, on my bday. Things were great. I guess things change, blind to me. After i receive the, you should be happy if she's happy sentence, i was then informed, "kelly doesn't want to get involved in anything right now, especially long distance." Wow. That instantly put me in tears. I don't know what the fuck happened. Then i read that they went to parties and she danced with 2 guys, wanting to get a number from one cuz he's from albany. Wow. About a month ago, kelly and ash came over, while vickie was here. This was before kelly left for college. Everything got fucked up. I then sat down, for hours, thinking. I knew what i felt for kelly and i had to set things straight. I stopped seeing vickie. Why? Cuz kelly cared for me, and seemed to want to be with me. I saw her face, her eyes can't lie, something was there. If she didn't care, she wouldn't have cried, and if i didn't care, i wouldn't have cried in front of her for like an hour. I threw a girl to the side cuz of what i felt for kelly. Now i know what it feels like to be thrown to the side, it feels horrible. I'm sorry to anyone that reads this if it has ever happened to you. First off, i don't understand why i got treated like i cheated on her, when we weren't together. Second, she doesn't even tell me the truth, ash does, and goes out and dances with other people and such, basically the same thing that i did, but i guess i shouldn't say anything cuz we weren't "together" when i thought we were. So technically she didn't "cheat" on me and i didn't "cheat" on her, i just don't get it anymore. I'm sick of writing about this, goodbye. | | |
| Apparently i seem to have a problem with thinking that no one cares about me. So yea i sit here feeling like shit cuz i was looking at old pics that i had. I saw my best friend dana, and put one of them as my desktop background. I couldn't bear to look at it and had to change it. But then i was in a blah mood and was looking for someone to show me they cared so i'd feel better. I failed miserably, in fact, i got insulted and was told that i should just be happy. All i wanted was someone to say they cared, someone that i could turn to when i felt bad. It seems like those people just dont exist for me. I seemed to have done something wrong since i was told to have a nice life. What kind of a friend EVER says something like that? I thought we were friends. You have always been there for me and now you say that to me? For the reasons it was said, i hope you are happy. I'm sorry if i have some sort of problem, depression maybe. I can't control what i say sometimes cuz i'm too fucking honest and say what i think. If you want to hold that against me then there's nothing i can do about it. I'm sorry that i'm such an asshole, and if you think i'm being sarcastic i'm not. Well yea talk to me if you want. | | |
| This entry is coming from my heart, so if you don't know me that well or have never seen this side of me, it may surprise you. As you may have noticed by the date of my previous entry, its been a long time since i've posted anything. In fact, i kinda found it boring. But one thing i've realized, its not boring, in fact it allows you to cherish memories without even realizing it. You can sit down and read old posts and smile to yourself, about times you've had fun, or laugh about terrible things that may have occured that you now find funny. Either way, its time i post. This post goes out to someone that is very special to me. Those of you who are reading this prolly already know who i am talking about, kelly. There are just some things that i want to say, express myself more or less. For those of you who didn't know, it was my birthday yesterday. I can honestly say it was the best birthday i've ever had. I drove to albany to see her. Surprisingly enough i never got lost, actually, it's very easy to get to the college. We didn't even get lost going from crossgates back to the college, even though she had no trust in me and was scared we were lost hehe. But, no money could possibly buy anything that gives me the feeling i have when i'm with her. I feel, complete. It's a feeling that i never want to lose. Although you all know she's in albany now, that doesn't change how i feel at all. In fact, i honestly think it amplifies how much i care, it makes me want to show her how she truly makes me feel when i'm with her. Every chance i have to visit her there, i will. Most of you that know me well, know that i sometimes talk about how i don't really know what i'm doing in life, what my point of being here really is. I can say right now that certain things open your eyes, make life in this world worth living. The only way to find these things is to wait till they find you. There are too many petty questions in life that just aren't worth asking, all they do is make you sad/depressed. Life is taken for granted too often, it's the little things that make you lose things you really care about. I'm not sure if this is making sense to anyone that is reading it, but for what it's worth, thanks to those of you that have stuck by me through thick and thin. I feel like i am truly happy with my life, and i owe it all to you guys. <3 | | |
| Yea i havent written an entry in quite some time now. On tuesday, me, dana, and wayne were supposed to go see AFI in montreal. So i drove all the way there, we get to le medley, no general admission, sold out. Can't see AFI. We went to a place called Foufouns, it was cool. Then we ate at burger king and came back home.
Wednesday was boring till ash invited me and brad to go play mini-putt. So we went and played mini-putt, it was me, brad, ash, kelly, and jen. Brad was joking around on the second hole and the ball flew in the grass and a guy came up and said to behave ourselves or he'll have to ask us to leave. So come to find out he was told to watch us the whole time, we were being stalked. We were all doing things to try to freak him out and such. Me and brad acted gay, ash showed him cleveage and winked at him, and jen bent over and stared at him. It was so funny. Then after that we went to kelly's house and chilled there for a while.
Thursday i went to UT's house for dinner. We hung out for a while, watched some tv it was all good. Came home for a bit, Kelly asked me to catch a movie so i took a quick shower before going to her house. We watched harry potter and the sorcerer's stone. Oddly enough i liked it. Ash came over too and brought some pizza. After harry potter we watched the osbournes for a while, ash fell asleep on the couch and me and kelly watched tv and played with ruby.
Today i got up and showered, came online and kelly said she was bored so i went over and we watched harry potter and the chamber of secrets. Blah i became addicted after the first one and wanted to see the second one. So we hung out and watched that, played with ruby and dusty, had a really good time. Came home and picked up brad to go see fireworks. We get to the monument, last fireworks are going off, all done. Joy. We walk around for a bit, sit down on the curb and decide to just leave. Brought him home and now here i sit, typing this entry. Lates. | | |
|
